Tried & Found Guilty

I am guilty as charged. Guilty of passing judgment where it was/is not my place to act as judge. Judging others comes so naturally to me, almost without intentional thought, that it is scary. Scary because God's Word warns against passing judgement ("Do not judge, or you too will be judged" immediately comes to mind). So what am I doing by passing judgement? and why am I quicker to pass judgement than show grace?

1) I'm presuming to know the best way to do something (which presupposes that I have interpreted the situation correctly in the first place).
2) I'm essentially telling the person judged that they are wrong in some way.
3) I seem to pass judgement quickly on 2 different issues: i) an issue I am interested in & have a fair amount of knowledge regarding, and ii) an issue that I have personal insecurities in.

I do believe there is a time and place to judge and show someone, in love, guidance. The Bible teaches us to use scripture to teach, rebuke, correct, and train in right living to be equipped to do good work. However, more often than not I think God asks me to show love & grace to everyone & leave Him to work in people's lives to convict, change, & grow them.

I am going to try to keep this is the forefront of my mind to help me love & show grace more often.

Authenticity

I (Ashlee) am currently reading a book entitled "No Perfect People Allowed" by John Burke. It has really challenged me to be open, honest, and authentic with people. If asked, I would hope that I would answer any questions honestly but I have found few people that are really willing to ask questions. Do I have an air of arrogance? of always being put together with no struggles of my own? of unapproachability? I feel right now that I need to be the one to show that I am simply a person with struggles and in a continual process of growth. I believe that people in our world crave authentic individuals & I want those that I come in contact with to be able to know that they can be real with me without concern of being judged or pelted with pat answers. So here is an attempt at being open about my/our life:

The divorce rate within our country, so I have heard, is around 50%. This is shocking! Up until year 4 of our marriage I couldn't understand how this number could be so high. Then we hit some seriously rocky terrain. There was about a 9 month build-up to the 'blow up'. 4 months then of awfulness followed with many months of adjusting. When I was in the thick of everything, I could not see a positive end. I had no idea how God was going to save our marriage (yes, it was to that degree), but looking back I can see some wise steps that I/we took to help.

1) I began talking more with God about what was really going on in my heart and honestly asking Him to help me have more of Christ's character in my life. I also asked God to show me how to love Jeffrey in the ways He needed to be shown love.
2) We began to really talk with each other. We were very open about EVERYTHING & made sure nothing was kept in the dark.
3) We both knew and voiced that divorce was NOT an option so, therefore, if I didn't want to live in a crummy marriage, something better change or I was going to be having a miserable life (& I'm selfish enough not to want that).
4) We met with 2 christian couples, told them we were having some marriage difficulties and asked them to keep us in their prayers. We also asked that they keep checking in with us to make sure we were dealing with things and not sweeping issues under the rug that will just mold and fester for an even worse issue in the future.

Well, we have now been married 8.5 years so we did make it through. There have been more issues since then but nothing quite to the same magnitude. As a fiction book I recently read (but can't remember the name of) puts it, 'there will always be ebbs and flows' in life and marriage. I also heard an illustration used at a marriage seminar that marriage is like driving a car. When driving, very small movements of steering are needed in order to stay in the correct lane. If these small adjustments are not done, we would soon (but slowly at first) be heading towards the ditch where a major cranking of the wheel would need to happen if the ditch is to be avoided. Jeffrey & I try to make these minor adjustments often so that another 'wheel crank' doesn't need to happen in order to prevent a major crash.

This is me being authentic and open that our marriage is not perfect. There are great times, as well as times of tension.

Thanks for reading and hopefully you are encouraged to be real with others as well.

Ashlee

Lots of changes

Well, it has been a long time since we've posted anything. A lot has changed.

1. We are now a family of 4. Elizabeth was born on Nate's 2nd birthday (Dec. 7, 2010) & is now almost 3 months old. She is starting to really interact & is so quick to smile.

2. Jeff has graduated from Seminary. YIPEE.

3. We took a 2 week trip to Germany in August, 2010, which was AMAZING!

4. Took a 3 week trip to California in February, 2011 (just got back & wish we were still there). This was the BEST Christmas gift ever ... probably because I prefer doing things & making memories over getting a gift.

5. We are looking forward to what this summer holds. We have no definite plans. Likely Jeff will be building a spec home for us & possibly another 1 or 2 for other people but it's all in the air still.

6. I (Ashlee) have completed 5 1st year university classes to go towards my degree. I'm on a break from school right now until baby Elle gets older. I may look at taking a distance course this summer or next fall but we will see.

We have been doing some thinking on what it means practically to use ALL that we have to God's glory. How can we glorify Him with our house & land? our vehicle? our knowledge & experience? our money & time? Also been thinking more about what direction to go in the future (long-term thinking). So many options.

If anyone actually reads this blog, thanks & I will see if I can do some more blog rambling in the not-to-distant future. Maybe even post some pictures :D

Ashlee

Craziness

Everyone has the time when you feel there is so much to do that you don't even want to get started let alone being able to see how it will all get done. That's how we're feeling right now. My brain is running in 100 different directions that I don't think it could work on even one thing right now. So here I am blogging. Lets recap the last few months:

-Nate's walking (and pretty much running).
-Jeff's back working FT on a housing job and back to only working on our house in the evenings.
-I'm trying to keep everything else running smoothly.
-We are flying down next week to Langley for Jeffrey's graduation.
-We are trying to keep our heads out of the water and yet still find a lot of joy in the little things (like Nate running around yesterday with a hood from a coat on (snapped up under his chin).

The torch went through our little town of Lashburn & we were there to cheer in on :D