Authenticity

I (Ashlee) am currently reading a book entitled "No Perfect People Allowed" by John Burke. It has really challenged me to be open, honest, and authentic with people. If asked, I would hope that I would answer any questions honestly but I have found few people that are really willing to ask questions. Do I have an air of arrogance? of always being put together with no struggles of my own? of unapproachability? I feel right now that I need to be the one to show that I am simply a person with struggles and in a continual process of growth. I believe that people in our world crave authentic individuals & I want those that I come in contact with to be able to know that they can be real with me without concern of being judged or pelted with pat answers. So here is an attempt at being open about my/our life:

The divorce rate within our country, so I have heard, is around 50%. This is shocking! Up until year 4 of our marriage I couldn't understand how this number could be so high. Then we hit some seriously rocky terrain. There was about a 9 month build-up to the 'blow up'. 4 months then of awfulness followed with many months of adjusting. When I was in the thick of everything, I could not see a positive end. I had no idea how God was going to save our marriage (yes, it was to that degree), but looking back I can see some wise steps that I/we took to help.

1) I began talking more with God about what was really going on in my heart and honestly asking Him to help me have more of Christ's character in my life. I also asked God to show me how to love Jeffrey in the ways He needed to be shown love.
2) We began to really talk with each other. We were very open about EVERYTHING & made sure nothing was kept in the dark.
3) We both knew and voiced that divorce was NOT an option so, therefore, if I didn't want to live in a crummy marriage, something better change or I was going to be having a miserable life (& I'm selfish enough not to want that).
4) We met with 2 christian couples, told them we were having some marriage difficulties and asked them to keep us in their prayers. We also asked that they keep checking in with us to make sure we were dealing with things and not sweeping issues under the rug that will just mold and fester for an even worse issue in the future.

Well, we have now been married 8.5 years so we did make it through. There have been more issues since then but nothing quite to the same magnitude. As a fiction book I recently read (but can't remember the name of) puts it, 'there will always be ebbs and flows' in life and marriage. I also heard an illustration used at a marriage seminar that marriage is like driving a car. When driving, very small movements of steering are needed in order to stay in the correct lane. If these small adjustments are not done, we would soon (but slowly at first) be heading towards the ditch where a major cranking of the wheel would need to happen if the ditch is to be avoided. Jeffrey & I try to make these minor adjustments often so that another 'wheel crank' doesn't need to happen in order to prevent a major crash.

This is me being authentic and open that our marriage is not perfect. There are great times, as well as times of tension.

Thanks for reading and hopefully you are encouraged to be real with others as well.

Ashlee